The Age of the Woman: Shooting Your Shot
I saw him. I wanted him. I shot my shot....and SCORED!
But let's start from the beginning.
Now if you know me, then you know I am very much like Future and my main focus is to only "Chase a check, never chase a b****."
But it was Thursday June 22, 2017 when I decided to shoot my shot and holla at the very attractive, tall man at the bar. Typically I wouldn't put myself out there for a number of dramatic, but normalized reasons in the dating world of today.
1. Fear of Rejection. Despite how confident I like to think I am, there would have been nothing more Earth shattering then approaching a male, with a clear interest and purpose only to be denied. I was not for that. Not today. Not me Satan.
2. Appearing too CONFIDENT a.k.a INTIMIDATING! A stigma I deal with on a daily basis. I went back and forth in my head about approaching him for the fear that I might be perceived as "coming on too strong", "too confident", "emasculating", and a host of other effects that appear on the dating scene today when you are a woman who goes for what she wants.
3. He was ALREADY TAKEN. I spent forty-five minutes telling myself this man already had a love interest in his life. He is too good looking to be single. He has to be in a relationship. Do you see a ring? Now I love a good looking chocolate man as much as the next woman, but I would never push up on another woman's man.
But luckily I was with a friend who is way more practical, encouraging, and anti-dramatic to coax me down. Now he is a male so those traits came in handy when I realized the "very attractive, tall man at the bar" potentially didn't approach me because I was already with another male.
Yes. I said it. "He definitely would have approached me had I not been with another male."
Or at least I would like to think so.
But that is neither here nor there.
After continued debate in my mind, and my inability to get past the fact that he is the milk chocolate version of my celebrity crush (*cues Kofi Siriboe to walk in) I shot my shot.
Yassss Hunti! You see why I could not pass him up.
So, I started to brainstorm the best way to approach him while mitigating my initial doubts. Through that personal brainstorming session in my head, I came to a few conclusions.
1. If I am going to achieve anything in life, I have to be firm in my value and not allow anything to create doubt in that value. If I am the woman I say I am, any man would jump at the opportunity to hold my interest and I shouldn't be afraid, much less think my value is dependent upon a male's acknowledgment.
I have spent most of 2017 working past insecurities that I acknowledge have held me back from living my best Black Girl Magic life. Despite what others may perceive, I have spent the past 6 years blocking my own blessings in my personal life because I was carrying around my past like a Prada bag.
Proud that I overcame and was better for it, but ignorantly unaware I was carrying around the very thing that I was trying to get rid of.
2. The worst thing that could happen is that he says "I am not interested" in which I prepared a host of scenarios in my head to help me cope with the rejection (i.e. he must be gay, he must be in a relationship, or my personal favorite, he must only like white girls..lol).
3. I will not achieve the things I desire unless I change how I go about it. If I had intentions of actually getting what I wanted, who better than me to go get it. At 26 years of age, I have realized how easy it is to compartmentalize your mindset keeping you from living your best life. Who I am in my career is a complete 180 from who I am in my relationships. So I had to start applying how I chase my paper to how I get the man I want.
Now I realize this isn't going to be the same outcome for everyone, BUT I would be a liar if I said it wasn't worth stepping out of my comfort zone and into a better version of me.
Not only did I get to go out with a guy who was fun, interesting, and something nice to look at, I pushed one-step further towards leaving my insecurities at the door.
I encourage everyone, ladies or men to go for what you want. The rejection you may face is nothing compared to what you have to gain if you take a chance on yourself.
So take a deep breath, play your hype song, and go get it. What is meant for you, will always be meant for you.
XoXo,
Life with Lex
Alexia is a lifestyle blogger out of Dallas, Texas focused on sharing the brutal truths about being a professional millennial woman. A safe space dedicated to sharing the elegantly brutal truths on career, love, and traveling the world. The beauty and the chaos, Life with Lex grew from anxiety about doing the right thing and always making the right decision. But when you are a woman wearing multiple hats, all you can do is put on your crown and slay the day.