"What Conversations Not To Have On The First Date!"
- Ms. Natty Linn @nattylinn
- Aug 30, 2016
- 4 min read
My last first date was the worst first date ever... We met at my job. I worked in the entertainment industry, and by "entertainment industry" I mean that I was a box office cashier at the movie theater. He was a customer, older and tall. I was on the way to my car when he stopped me and asked for my phone number. I saved him under "Do Not Answer." Don't judge me; some of you who are perhaps too nice would do well to follow my lead. Obviously Future Natty didn't trust the instincts of Past Natty. So when he called, I answered. I'm not going to lie to you and act "holier than thou." I'm going to be straight with you. I like FREE. It's my favorite thing, favorite flavor, and favorite plan of action. If it's free, I'll show up guaranteed. That's how my husband and I ended up together. I was hungry and wanted to go to Applebee's and I knew he would say, "yes." Less than a year later, we were married. Free is my jam. This guy, "OlderAndTall", was not. Rule #1- Never ask the date to suggest plans when you know you can't afford the possibilities. Avoid having this conversation and just make the decision. "OlderAndTall" was adamant. He told me, "we can go wherever you want to go." I was not a very vocal person at the time, which low-key got me into this predicament. I should have told him no... but then again this meal is free... "I'm really just craving dessert. Can we go to Copeland's?" I waited. He paused. Mind you, this was not an outrageous request. First of all, I only wanted dessert. I'd gone one other time with an ex and he thought he was dressed up in his corduroys and it was "okay." We ordered from each section of the menu. Copeland's, price wise, was one step up from TGIFriday's. "Let's do Applebee's." How ironic. We met at Applebee's. He was 30 minutes late. He repeatedly spoke of his sister. Rule #2- Never speak of family drama. In reality, don't even talk about your family in detail. Sure, it's okay to tell your date that you are one of seven children, but we really don't care to know about the family baggage. In fact, we don't even need to know names at this point. No one is in the right state of mind. I'm over here salivating over this free meal the Lord is about to bestow upon me and you're just looking. Just enchanted by this face beat to the gawds, this body looking like milk, and you might slip up and say some b@#$t like, "My mom loves to cook when you meet her at Thanksgiving-" See? See what happened there? You've misjudged my level of commitment to our (which does NOT yet exist) future. That's not okay. When the conversation finally moved past his sister, he only wanted to talk about me. Rule #3- Never lead the conversation with, "Tell me about yourself." These were four of maybe the twenty words that "OlderAndTall" said to me throughout the night, excluding the topic of his sister of course. When one decides to ask another out on a date they are, in essence, saying, "Hey, I find a connection with you as an attractive and possibly valuable option in my/our future. Would you care to join me?" Dates are a joint commitment to the evening, afternoon, or in this case, a meal. Together you are committing to doing what you can to get the best taste of the future without getting in too deep. How can someone get to know more about somebody if only one person is talking? He had an answer for that. "Do you have a MySpace?" Rule #4- Do not discuss, or rather, exchange social media handles or attempt a friend request, even if it is on MySpace or Black Planet. In this scenario, what benefit would I have gained from becoming one of OlderAndTall's top ten? Online personalities can be confusing or even conflict whenever you are trying to get to know someone. Organic is best whenever possible. Forget about social media handles and study the person in front of you instead of researching their social media later. Rule #6- What do you do? This is the equivalent of asking someone how much they make or it could lead to the underlying question of, "are you satisfied with your life right now?" See how quickly that went from 0 to 100? How often is it that we meet someone who is doing exactly what they want to do in life as their full-time job? Frustrating, right? Now here comes the question... "What conversations should I have on the first date?" How about, "If money were no object and all bills would be paid, no matter the job, then what would you do as your 9 to 5?" Ask your date this question and watch their face light up as they gush to you about their passions. Immediately you're able to catch a glimpse of their core motivation, their Freudian Id. In fact, leading with this will open up the door to all sorts of first date appropriate topics.
You might be thinking that this could have been worse. OlderAndTall could have asked me about how much I made, droned on about his exes instead of his family, or battled with me about politics and what he thought about the war in Iraq, but we already know that these topics are a "no go." I'm aware that you all are dying to know what happened between OlderAndTall, he ended the date early. Apparently, his sister lost her watch and he had to leave to help her find it. I know this had to be true because I was a great date. Obviously. He asked me out again... and by "me" I mean my voicemail. I finally wised up to the fact that Past Natty was wise beyond her years. If she decided that the number was a "Do Not Answer," then she was right. I knew not to make that mistake twice.
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